Trifecta: Ample

Cold beer, football, feet on the coffee table. Dan took a swig.  Every weekend should be like this.  They were even ahead.  He turned up the volume a little.  Callie wandered in with a yogurt in her hand and peered at the game.

He shook his head.  “Babe, why do you eat that stuff?  You don’t need to be on a diet.”

She snorted.  “Thanks, but I like yogurt.”

“Seriously.  You don’t need to lose weight.  You’re just –” he waved a searching hand, “ample.”

“Ample?  Ample?”  She turned to look at him.

The sharp rise in pitch and her expression rang the warning bells.  “No — I meant — you’re enough for any guy.”  He sloshed a little beer on his shirt in his rush to sit up.  His foot knocked a coaster off the table.  “You’re plenty.”

“Plenty?”  The pitch was even higher.  He winced.  Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say.  “Let me give you a tip.  When you’re giving women unsolicited opinions on their figures, avoid using words commonly applied to cornucopias, harvests, or Victorian nannies.  I don’t need a commentary on the quantity of me you think is appropriate.  And if you so much as mention Peter Paul Rubens, so help me, I will throw you out the window onto your meager ass.  Trust me, I’m strong enough to do it,” she growled.  “I’m ample.”

Dan zipped it.  He wasn’t sure who Rubens was but he was positive it wasn’t the time to ask.  After giving him a searching glare, Callie wheeled and flounced out.  Dan kept it zipped until he couldn’t hear her any more, then peered carefully down the hallway to see if she was out of sight.  “Whoa.”  He slumped back into the couch, shrugged, and went back to the game.  “Maybe she’s hungry.”

 

Welcome to this week’s Trifecta Writing Challenge!  This week called for 33 to 333 words on the third definition of the word AMPLE (adj.)

: generous or more than adequate in size, scope, or capacity<there was room for an ample garden>
2: generously sufficient to satisfy a requirement or need<they had ample money for the trip>
3: buxom, portly <an ample figure>

Thanks for reading!

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  1. Jen says:

    This made me laugh out loud! Very nice.

  2. jannatwrites says:

    I think there’s a good chance Dan will end up single 🙂 I found this entertaining, but felt sorry for Dan…most men learn not to go there!

  3. Wisper says:

    I love it. He really stuck his foot in his mouth in this scene. Very believable.

  4. kgwaite says:

    Oh, man, this is perfect. Love the dialogue. Love the ending line.

  5. Paula J says:

    Her comeback sounded so real. I loved it.

  6. deana says:

    Someone is going to be in trouble. You would think guys would know better by now. They just dont get it.

  7. Gina says:

    Foot inserted firmly in mouth. Sometimes…

    Very fun read at Dan’sexpense.

  8. Lumdog says:

    Poor guy. He can’t win this one. But I’m with him; I don’t think ample means fat, but I’m just a guy! Great piece.

  9. I, Rodius says:

    Trying to make a compliment and failing, trying to fix it and failing. This is familiar ground for any man who loves a woman. I think “ample” is “beautiful,” but I’m smart enough not to use it out loud in a sentence. Nice comedic addition to this week’s submissions!

  10. Victoria KP says:

    Oh this TRULY made me laugh out loud. Poor Dan (my husband’s name BTW) was just trying to be nice. He probably adores her curves but just can’t say it the right way.

    The last line was PRICELESS!

  11. XD that is very classic! and great use of ‘ample’. i especially liked the last line.

  12. Hilarious! great visuals with the beer. I imagine those days, common sense dulled just a little too much to know, you can’t free yourself from the bear trap with your other hand. Poor guy just wanted to watch the game!
    This was great, thanks for posting!

  13. This rang true, which is a testament to your skills with dialogue. Also to the cluelessness of men. Thanks for hanging out with us again!

  14. Imelda says:

    I love this – very nice. This made me laugh. And this reminded me the sort of conversation I have with my husband here at home – h never gets it right, but he is wise to be silent about those tricky themes like figures and shapes and mass. :-))

    Congratulations too for the win.

    ~Imelda

  15. miss mochi says:

    Oh man this sounds like me and Mr. Mochi. I love the dialogue and the description, I could totally see a guy sloshing his beer trying to get ready for the verbal beatdown he’s about to get.

  16. I am so happy you “placed” in the challenge with this. When you mentioned Peter Paul Rubens, all I could think of was Paul Reubens, AKA Pee Wee Herman. That only made it funnier.

    I was “ample” years ago; took off 50 pounds in three years with diet and yoga, etc. But Lex loved me then, he loves me now, and I guess this writing would be lost on him.

    You dealt with a common problem so cleverly, and I loved it! Amy Barlow Liberatore

  17. Annabelle says:

    Thanks, everyone! I have thankfully not dated this guy, but I have definitely met him.

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